After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.
He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?’ To which he responded: ‘I found the remote.’…
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A 71 year old widow thought it was time to remarry, so she decided to put a personal ad in the local newspaper.
The ad read:
“Looking for a husband! I’m looking for a man in his seventies, who isn’t violent, who won’t run around with women, and who is great in bed. If you are interested, come meet me in person.”
Someone at the door
The next day, she heard the doorbell ring. She went to open the front door, and was dismayed when she was met by a man in a wheelchair who didn’t have any arms or legs.
The man said, “I’m here about the ad you put in the paper.”
The woman raised her eyebrows. She said, “You can’t be serious. Look at you, you don’t have any legs!
The elderly gentleman just smiled. “That’s true, but that means I won’t run around with other women.”
She reluctantly nodded, but then objected, “But you don’t have any arms either!”
The old man smiled again. “That means that I’ll never hit you!”
The woman replied, “Well, I guess that’s true.”
She looked him up and down and cleared her throat. “So, are you still good in bed?”
The man leaned back and said with a smirk on his face, “How do you think I rang the doorbell?”
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